“Right, ‘Liberation Day. That sounds like the fake holiday your friends make up after you get dumped: ‘No, man. Who needs that beautiful, smart, independently wealthy woman in your life, when you can die alone? This is your liberation day, bro!’” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“OK, so Liberation Day is just the day that Trump announced new tariffs. I kind of doubt this day will be remembered for all of history, but if you give me a day off from work, you can call it whatever you want.” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“Now, you might be thinking, ‘What am I even being liberated from? The ability to afford goods and services?’” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“Reportedly, Trump was still weighing tariff options until late yesterday. Now, if you’re not steeped in the wonky language of Beltway insiders, that basically means they were spitballin’ ideas through the bathroom door at 3 a.m.: ‘[imitating Trump] Tell you what: What if Ireland has to pay extra to be, uh — to be on the Lucky Charms box? What about that? I’m just spitballin’ here. We stop Count Chocula at the border.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
